yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
