So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
