I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
