I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
