new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
