That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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