i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
