a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
