she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
