you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
