He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
