so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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