you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
