This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
