i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize