Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
