How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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