What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
