Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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