you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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