The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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