Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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