I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
