For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
