..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
