my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize