OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i already hear my dad disowning me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
