im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
