I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
