I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
