I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
