Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
