Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
