she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
