I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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