How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
