omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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