i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
