I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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