Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
