I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Enjoy the penises
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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