I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
