she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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