i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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