Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
