don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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