Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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