my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
