By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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