my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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