you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
