Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
