she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
