who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
