My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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