i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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