Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
