i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
