Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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