when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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