My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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