While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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