Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
