Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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