Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
