i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
bring money and cleavage
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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