you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
