i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
