i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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