It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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