Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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