glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
