i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
