Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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